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Let’s use Jabber as an example: If I setup my own jabber server and let it flood a jabber user on another server by sending messages with varying sender addresses, how would that user usually be protected, if at all? If the client usually saves at least a few messages per conversation in RAM (as far as I know, every client does that), wouldn’t the RAM quickly overflow?
The servers involved usually have DoS protections built into them. The servers have to protect themselves from attack anyway, so they also protect their users. If you’re still worried about it, stop reading from the socket while you’re processing. You’ve got a queue-theory problem of being able to ever catch up, but at least you won’t run out of memory.